Dear Swifties, before you come for me – please know this blog is in jest. I too love Taylor Swift, and by no means want to see this actually happen, nor do I think the Ravens are dumb enough to make fun of Taylor in a public setting (not if they ever want her to perform at their stadium). With all that said… I saw the Karma Nachos and the Bad Blood Whatever at the Bills game last week, and realized that the Ravens have the opportunity to do THE FUNNIEST THING EVER. An “Anti-Hero” night.
Rather than make themed food that celebrates her biggest hits, the Ravens could host a very subtle “Anti-Taylor Swift” Night this Sunday for the AFC Championship game. In this scenario, the franchise goes full heel and puts all her “enemies” on display while she’s just trying to cheer for Kelce. While it would be unnecessarily cruel it would also be hysterical – “non-Chiefs” fans would laugh their asses off wondering how far the Ravens would take it and whether it would have an effect on Kelce’s game play.
And now – I bring you, The “Anti Taylor Swift” Game Plan:
- Pre-Game Performance – Random Taylor Swift Cover Singer – I would love to see Taylor’s reaction to the worst cover singer (a great name would be Taylor NotSoSwift) preforming from mid-field pregame and aired on all the TV’s in the stadium as she’s walking into her Suite. Bonus points: The cover artist exclusively sings original recordings and not Taylor’s Version. They could also be dating John Mayer at the time if that’s at all possible.
- Coin Toss: Scooter Braun – Imagine the man who refused to return her original music standing next to her boyfriend Travis Kelce and asking him “heads or tails”. The look on Kelce’s face when he has to put on a smile for the cameras would be an instant classic and might even throw him off his game. Bonus Points: Ravens could have Braun wear a Mark Andrews jersey – just to make it that much more awkward. Taylor wouldn’t be happy but it would be funny.
- National Anthem: Kim Kardashian – I’m not sure Kim can sing (it’s probably more hilarious if she can’t and we get a Fergie moment) but I imagine Taylor would not be a fan of this (nor would anyone really). At this point, she’s probably knows something is up and texting her manager “what… is… happening…” Bonus Points: Kim gives a shout out to Brittany Mahomes for her work on the SKIMS campaign causing all kinds of awkwardness in the suite.
- Surprise Halftime Performance: Kayne West – Of course, this one is a no brainer. Not only would it be kind of cool if Kayne performed (early music, not this new stuff), but could you imagine the look on Taylor’s face as she awaits the “surprise” performance ….. and then hears the intro to Jesus Walks? That would be the GIFs of all GIFs. 50/50 she leaves after this moment. If the Chiefs are up, i think she sticks around but sits in the back of the suite out of camera view or hides behind a shirtless Jason Kelce.
So that’s it – rather than publicizing Taylor’s presence the Ravens could create this subtle “Anti Taylor Swift night” just to stir up some drama. Again, by no means do I want this to happen nor think it ever would, but in a world where teams blast Future while Russell Wilson warms up, you have to think it has crossed someone’s mind. Yes, the constant cutaways to Taylor can get annoying but she seems like an ok person. Not sure we’d be friends, but we could be those fringe members of a friend group who never hang out alone, but they are cool to one another in large gatherings. With that all being said GO RAVENS – I hope they win by 75 and this is the last we see of Taylor in the Stadiums unless she’s performing.
